There are no hopeless situations.
One way or another, but any situation somehow resolved. And what the final will be like, most often it depends only on you.
"I love someone else's husband" - thousands of beautiful and just pretty, free and married, young and pretty adult women tell themselves with horror, happiness, bitterness and hope every day.
Who is guilty?
What to do?
To be or not to be?
What to do if you love someone else’s husband
Most often, young unmarried women of the most beautiful age fall in the trap of forbidden passion - from 25 to 30. Not falling into the number of girls who jumped out early to marry, they experience certain difficulties in finding a free partner. Young and bezosy are not interested, older men have their own families or are not suitable for life partners. I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t have a serious relationship with anyone.
In fairness: married ladies also become lovers. By the way, romance between family people is the most “soft" variant of relations: if you love someone else's husband, you are not going to take him away from the family. And if you manage to keep the connection secret from the legitimate spouses, no one will especially suffer.
What can single women hope in a relationship with a married man? Only a miracle. The possibility of his departure from the family after a year of life on two fronts is rapidly approaching zero. Of course, if the short-term foray of a loved one is not confused, the goal of marrying him is not, and the ambiguity of his own position does not torment him, then there is nothing to talk about. Changing your life is not worth it. Only in full, is it love?
But if thoughts of a real family torment the heart, jealousy is dizzy, and the thought “I love someone else's husband” hurts, you need to think seriously. If it seems that there is no way out, do not believe this feeling. In fact, mistresses have three ways out of the situation: repel, tolerate and forget.
I love someone else’s husband and get my way!
Leave aside moral reasoning. Love is the meaning of everything, it possesses colossal energy. It is impossible to control this feeling: either there or not. The question is what to do with these.
A man often finds an outlet in a relationship on the side. Bored life, skolki in the family, the lack of real attachment to his wife makes fill the lack of warmth, intimacy, sex with another woman. If the first marriage has become a mistake (the reason is not important) and there is no true love between the spouses, it will be quite simple to take away the husband of another. True, provided that between you the same love and no obligation to his wife there.
In this case, it makes sense to fight for your happiness. Psychologists recommend acting gently, subtly, but very clearly.
• Turn into the exact opposite of your spouse. Giving a man what his wife does not give: understanding, affection, tenderness, support. The ideal option is to fully share the interests of men, listen and respond properly, sincerely admire him.
• Do not get hung up on sex - This is the most losing option. Yes, this is the main aspect of the relationship between lovers, but one bed for winning the male heart is not enough. Passion goes out quickly, but real affection over the years only grows. Therefore, relationships must constantly evolve.
• You can’t bother with endless calls or correspondence, demanding words of love. The man himself must feel the need for communication, then he will value the relationship higher and he will decide to break with his old family.
• You should not meet a man in his apartment or at home. Life should not affect relations at all.
• You can not talk about his wife, and even more so to criticize her. In general, no talk about his family: you have your own relationship, your own story. Insisting on a divorce and demanding marriage is also impossible. This will upset and anger the man. However, he must know for sure that the current state of things does not suit you and you are counting on a marriage.
• Never give birth to a child to take a man out of the family. This is low and mean, and therefore doomed to misfortune.
Every love has its own story. Nothing is impossible to make someone else’s husband your own. However, if there is even a drop of doubt that love for him is only satisfaction of his ambitions, insurance against loneliness or a desire to improve his financial situation, it is not worth starting. There will be no happiness.
I love the husband of others and agrees to endure
Many women understand that a loved one will never leave the family. There can be many causes and circumstances, but none is important, because without this person it is simply impossible to live. The idea of parting with him causes panic and horror. A woman is ready for anything so that the relationship continues. In this case, it remains only to endure constant pain.
Unconfident women most often agree to such a flawed relationship. As a rule, each has a negative childhood experience in relations with his father. Not the point. Experts need to understand the motives and work out psychological trauma. You can only advise on how to better configure yourself.
Sharing a husband with another woman is a choice that also deserves respect.
What can be done?
• Do not deny yourself anything that the soul asks. Become selfish and shamelessly use what is. You are on equal terms: he uses you, you use him, although his share of pleasure is undoubtedly greater. Love someone else’s husband? Do not hesitate to ask him about such proximity, which you want, about help in domestic and material issues, share your problems and demand participation. Yes, he must participate in your life, otherwise the novel does not make any sense at all.
• Do not wait at the window. While there is no loved one, your life should be filled to the brim with other things: work, entertainment, useful hobbies, communication.
• Drive away thoughts of a legal spouse. Take once and for all the fact of its presence in your life, but forbid yourself to feel negative emotions about it: anger, jealousy, resentment. Enjoy your man while he is with you. And what is being done there behind a closed conjugal door is not your concern.
• Looking at things is real. He will never leave the family. He can change you too. Therefore, love is love, but you need to look around. Suddenly there will be the one who grabs hold of his hands, looks at his loving eyes and whirls under Mendelssohn’s waltz toward the registrar?
I love someone else’s husband, but I want to break the connection
Strength of spirit - commendable quality for a woman who loves someone else's husband. "I did not find myself on the road," say women who love themselves, and they are absolutely right. Let the love between you is hot, but the situation is still delicate and humiliating. He rushes to his wife on the first call, mumbles in response to direct questions "until and" as long as he either directly says that he will never leave the spouse.
You are nowhere together, hiding from people, afraid of publicity. You do not have and will not have children in common. Yes, if you are colleagues, you can see each other often, but constantly control yourself, pretend, pretend? An agonizing state will bother both.
What to do? Break the relationship itself. This is the best, and moreover, a worthy exit. Well, if the decision will be accompanied by the thought "Yes, I love the husband of another, but I love myself even more." Someone may say that true love is always sacrificial, that in a loved one’s relationship you always value more than yourself. But it is in a normal, and not distorted by constant pain and guilt feelings relationship!
Find a reason to slam the door, or leave "in English," with no explanation at all, each woman will decide for herself. It will take courage, determination and attitude towards your goal. A simple thought will help: if he changed his wife with you, then sooner or later he will repeat this number with the third (fourth, fifth, tenth) woman.
Change phone. Remove all pages from the network where you can stumble upon a former lover. Tidy up the nerves. Take time by the minute useful, enjoyable, vigorous activity. Here is a brief summary for the first time.
To make it easier out of sightthat reminds of a happy time spent together. If you are colleagues - change jobs. If relatives (and this happens), will change the apartment, city, country. To do anything to avoid the temptation to reconnect. Over time, such a desire will come less and less.
No need to cling to what is dead. If a person is facing his past, then what is he turned to his present? That's it!
I love someone else’s husband, but also myself
And now the most important thing. You need to love yourself, otherwise the situation may happen again. Psychological trainings, books, individual consultations will help you to understand yourself and live this difficult period. No one has the right to spoil your life, take away the priceless gift of youth and beauty.
For help and support, you can turn to close relatives or true friends who know how to keep other people's secrets. To tell them everything, no matter how difficult, the way, even with the risk of being "reprimanded." Native people, who accept us as we are, will accept tears and remorse with sympathy and help us to remove the first terrible storm of emotions. Overcoming addiction to a love affair next to them is much easier.
"Pour grief" can be a fresh novel. But this is a dangerous and completely unnecessary option. It is better to come to your senses and, with new forces, start building a new, clean and happy life with a free person.
To love yourself, you need to listen to the advice of psychologists.
• Get rid of the burden of guilt, accept your right to make mistakes. The important thing is not what happened, but the experience that was obtained.
• Refuse criticism. Self-digging is the best way to lose the last bits of self-confidence.
• Accept yourself with all the advantages and disadvantages. Never compare yourself to other people.
• Learn to switch from negative thoughts to positive ones. Fix your attention on the good that is in you and your life, and drive away all doubts and fears.
• Read good books about why it is so important to learn to take responsibility for your life in your own hands. Remember that the assessment of events gives a specific person, so a negative or positive perception of events depends on you.
Changing your identity is difficult, but necessary. Therefore, the information must be translated to a practical level. The simplest advice: write out on one half of a sheet all your advantages, and on the other disadvantages. Tear off the "negative" and send it ... away.
Or learn to analyze each lived, noting any positive change. You can keep a diary and write everything down on paper. When every day you see small, but progress, you quickly learn to respect yourself.
I love someone else's husband: thoughts after
Before allowing yourself to love someone else's husband, you should think about this. In such relationships, both people feel like a victim and feel guilty. We all subconsciously understand that you cannot be happy at the expense of another person. And a double burden of responsibility falls on a man: he is guilty both before one and before the other. He will not be able to bear this burden for a long time, he will gradually begin to be weighed down by relations, hostility or irritation will appear. Is such a plot development a woman who loves someone else’s husband? Hardly.
Even if you manage to marry a lover, very soon you can repeat the unenviable fate of the first wife. A man will miss the intensity of passions that gave him a secret romance, and go in search of a new passion. Well, or life itself will throw him a couple of options that are impossible to refuse.
Having found a new family in the face of the faithful lover, a man will inevitably begin to compare her with his first wife. Household comfort for him means a lot, so you can not be at the height of three seconds. But everything begins with a small trifle: not so cooked borsch, not so turned socks ...
And between you will always be a lie, betrayal, guilt and treason. Whatever words cover up the ugly facts, you cannot get away from them.
And yet, if you know for sure that you truly love someone else’s husband, are ready to be with him at all costs, then do not listen to anyone. The first step to resolve the situation is to speak frankly with your loved one. But the man must decide who to stay with. Trying to force him to tear him away from the one whom he may still love or respect, is meaningless. A loving person will come himself, and an unloving person ... Why is he needed?
